Goal #1: Find a new job

Early last week I got the official word: effective October 1, my position is being eliminated.

So the job search that was originally urgent on account of an embarrassing Facebook incident and then relaxed due to, well, no real reason in particular, is now urgent again. Ideally, I will be able to have a seamless transition. If that doesn't happen, I've sent my resume to some legal temp agencies (document review very well might be the most boring job that a lawyer can do, but it pays better than unemployment and it pays better than telemarketing).

But I find myself also looking forward to a break. I can take some days to do a really good cleaning of my apartment. I can take a day (or two-day) trip to the beach. I can drive around my Big City taking photos. I can visit My Dad who is doing a teaching gig in Budapest for the fall semester (though I asked My Mom what she thought of that idea, and got a "no, that's Stupid" response).

Or I can have some time to get to know a kiddo.

Cooking

I'm a pretty good cook. I don't think I'll ever win any prizes or be a famous chef, but for a while I thought that if the law gig didn't work out, maybe I would be a kosher caterer. (Now my back-up career plan is editing.) I won't tell you about the time that I managed to burn spaghetti.

I don't cook as much, or as varied, as I should, because I'm lazy and hate washing dishes. (See: goals #3 and #4.) But last night I compromised and even though I made pasta for dinner, I tossed some brocolli into the sauce. (And then I set aside the second serving to bring for lunch today, instead of just eating it. If you ever were looking for an excuse to eat dessert first, that might be it.)

But my mom seems to think that I'm a brilliant cook and she even calls me for advice. She'll ask me for a recipe, I'll say "oh, a bit of this and a bit of that" and she'll say "but how much???" To which I always reply, "uh, mom? You're the one who taught me to cook. You should know that I don't cook with measuring cups."

I bake bread, I fry eggs, I poach fish, I'm attempting to infuse oil (we'll see how it goes), but there are a few things that I just am not capable of.

An aside to put this in context before I tell you what I absolutely cannot cook. I love Yondalla. And it occurred to me that I hadn't read her blog from the beginning. So I am doing so now. (Shh, don't tell the boss.) One of her house rules is that everyone has one night a week that they cook dinner. And one of her posts talks about her son making breakfast for dinner.

I am utterly incapable of making pancakes. (And omelets, and latkes.) What am I going to do if kiddo doesn't like french toast or waffles but insists that special breakfasts must include pancakes? Just another thing to add to my list of fears.*


*Please know that my list of fears includes many, many more serious things than my inability to make pancakes. I'm going into this with a whole boatload of naivete but am not completely unrealistic. I'll post more about my serious fears later.

Update on Goals

It's been almost a month since I posted my goals for the summer. Clearly, one of my goals should have been to improve my work ethic. I say "clearly" because this is my second post written while at work in three business days. I'm at a point in a project (a project, I should add, that I am dorkily excited about) where I am stuck because I can't figure out how to follow the directions.* And this is incredibly frustrating, so in an effort to sound like I'm doing something and to not go crazy, I have decided to provide an update on my goals.

Goal # so important it didn't get a number: getting licensed.
Progress: As I mentioned last night, my second licensing visit is on Wednesday afternoon. Are there more hoops to jump through after that? I hope not. But who knows...

Goal #1: find a new job.
Progress: nope. I've applied for a few jobs, but nothing has come of my applications yet.

Goal #2: reduce dependence on caffeine.
Progress: oops. If anything, I've increased my dependence on caffeine. It definitely doesn't help that I have a bottomless mug from a chain of bagel restaurants. I shelled out a bunch of bucks in October and can get free refills for the entire year. So every day on my way to work, I stop in and get a coke or a coffee. (And chat with Jeremy and Donnell, the cheerful-even-early-in-the-morning staff and manager.) If I were paying for each drink, I certainly wouldn't go every day. And I definitely wouldn't do what I did today... I ate a "savory" breakfast so wanted coke, but like having coffee at my desk. I had work with me, so I got a coke, sat down with it and read my work, and then got a coffee and went the rest of the way to work.
Related aside: There is a fast day coming up in a week (tisha b'av, for those who are keeping track). I know people who try to wean themselves of caffeine in preparation for fast days. But I don't understand this. Why suffer for a week when the fast day is only one day (and you are going to be miserable for that day anyway)?

Goal #3: wash dishes within a day of using them.
Progress: um... If you look in my sink right now, all of the dirty dishes are from yesterday. So I guess that counts. I've definitely been doing better. But I also still have the salad bowl from dinner last Shabbat (that is, the 10th) and a few other small things sitting on the counter.

Goal #4: eat more salad and less pasta.
Progress: oh dear. I discovered a new brand of vegetarian sausage last week and have been eating a lot of it. So I'm getting some nutrients beyond whatever nutritional value there is in pasta sauce. But protein is one thing and fruits and veg are another.

So there you have it--a report of my complete failure over the past month to make any progress with any of my goals. That gust of wind you just felt was my big sigh of disappointment.




*I am not sure if this is because I am too intelligent to follow the directions or because the directions were written that badly.

When did you realize you were an adult?

One of my favorite magazines is running a contest--write an essay about the first time you realized you were an adult (or something to that effect) and you could win...I don't remember, something good. I'd love to enter the contest; when I'm writing for real and not for this blog, I think I write reasonably well. (After gratefully testing out of freshman composition in college, I proceeded to take three upper-level classes in the writing department. That's a whole 'nother story.) Though I do have a tendency to overuse parentheses.

But I can't because I'm having fears that I'm not responsible enough to be an adult. BIG fears. I think they're founded. For example, yesterday I went to pay my credit card bill, more than a week late, and learned at the same time that I had overdrawn my checking account not once, but twice. (On the same day, with two checks written to the same cause. I'm going to be going to the bank to throw myself on their mercy and beg for one of the fees to be credited to me. $36 seems a reasonable punishment for being irresponsible. $72 seems like usury.)

That wasn't my only irresponsibility yesterday. Okay, to be honest, neither of those were yesterday. I just realized them yesterday. When I was in law school, I received an award from my clinic for "most likely to be caught playing a computer game in the hours before the bar exam." The only reason that I wasn't, actually, caught playing a computer game was that I was spending the night in a motel by the testing location. I haven't grown out of my default position of playing games. Every day I say to myself "I am NOT going to play games while I'm at work!" Reasonable enough, right? But it seems that the more adamant I am, the more I disobey my own rules. Yesterday--two games of Big Kahuna Reef (which really is pretty pointless when you have managed to get through all 10 levels and there is no longer a challenge) and more games of Alchemy. And that was just while at work. Meanwhile, I have a not-quite-lease that I'm supposed to be writing by tomorrow. And not getting very far. (Note: I'm actually just revising a previous not-quite-lease to change the program terms. Note 2: I don't have a clue what I'm doing. Note 3: I checked the rules of professional conduct for my jurisdiction to make sure that I'm not providing incompetent representation. I think I'm okay, unfortunately. I'd hoped to use that as a reason why I shouldn't be doing this project.)

So today as I was walking to work I changed the terms of my deal with myself. I could use any Google product as distractions from my misery. Gmail, my blog reader, and gchat. If I stuck with that today, I would be really proud of myself.

Well, guess what? Blogger counts, too. But no, this wasn't really just a long post to lead to the conclusion that "I get to waste time blogging today because Blogger is related to Google, hooray!"

It's really about my BIG fear that I'm not responsible enough to be an adult. And, by extension, a parent. Do all childless people feel this fear when a child is actually on its way, by whatever means?

I know, while I'm moaning about waking up in the morning, tripping over eight pairs of shoes to go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wanting nothing more than to go back to bed, that I won't be able to do that when there is a kiddo in my home. I know that I won't be able to come home from work, put on my PJs, and sit on the couch watching 4 episodes of MASH on DVD instead of applying for new jobs, washing dishes, and cleaning up the blueberry soup that I spilled all over the kitchen last Friday. I know that I'll actually have to think in advance about what to prepare for Shabbat meals each week. I know, I know, I know. But I haven't been able to make any changes in my routines in preparation. Is this normal? Will things fall into place when a kiddo comes along?

And so, when did I realize I am an adult? I haven't yet. I'll let you know when I do.

Goals for the Summer

I was inspired by Mothering4Money to make a list of my goals for the summer. Obviously the first is get licensed finally. Then, let's see...

Non-kiddo related goals:

1. find new job
2. reduce dependence on caffeine
3. wash dishes within a day of using them
4. eat more salad and less pasta

Kiddo-related goals:

1. do lots of coloring/painting/crafts
2. take lots of photos
3. keep a journal
4. go to free concerts

Happy summer!