Monday, February 21, 2011

Oh sweetheart

Part of why Odessa is in care is because her father passed away and then mom was just unable/unwilling to care for her. We had a very rough night chez Foster Ima and I learned the following things:

1. No one told Odessa that her dad was sick and dying. (She was about 11 at the time.) So she didn't get to say goodbye, didn't get a last time for her dad to tell her he loved her, was lied to by everyone in her family.

2. Perhaps her dad could have been helped by a kidney transplant? Odessa kept saying through her crying "I would have given you a kidney."

3. She is really angry at her dad for dying (as is completely understandable) because he is the only person she could ever count on and then he left her too and so she is in this cruddy situation.

I should add that this is all MY fault. (Not really ALL my fault. There are many times before I got involved that other people did crappy things to Odessa.) I could have said no to the placement because I'm not at a place in my life to make a life-long commitment to a teenager (or anyone). I could have suggested at our meeting on Friday that the social worker didn't need to request a new placement. But I did say yes to the "one month" placement and really should have known better! And I didn't stop the team from agreeing to request a new placement (I also didn't encourage that part of the conversation). So Odessa is feeling abandoned yet again, this time by me.

As an aside: she was two hours and 40 minutes late for curfew, including a visit by the police to take a missing persons report. So there will be consequences. (Curfew 2 hrs and 40 minutes early all week with the only exception being if she stays at night school because she can't get home by 7:20 if she's at night school, and something additional that I haven't decided on yet because she was late intentionally to piss me off. Any ideas?)

Plus there are consequences for the lack of communication with me, and that is that I get her phone while she is in her bedroom. (This so that she cannot hide out from me on the phone. She can have privacy while she talks on the phone if she would like it, but she can't say at 6:45 "I'm going to bed" and then talk and text until 3 in the morning. I'm hoping this will have the side benefit of her getting more sleep.)

Poor girl also confessed to lying about homework, so we're a little bit consequence-heavy around these parts.

(Oh, and there's a consequence for me. I was carrying around my camera for no good reason and I broke it, so now I have to buy a new one. If you have any recommendations, send them my way!)

1 comment:

  1. Love my Canon 50D camera, but it is pricey (and there are newer better cameras on the market now).

    Lying about homework = natural consequence of bad grade at school.

    When you made curfew time earlier, did she come home on time? It seems to usually only takes one time of that before the point gets across. LOL But the testing and pushing of boundaries will never end. Just remember you are providing her with a stable environment, a safe place to sleep, plenty of food to eat and clothes to wear, and you are there supporting her and encouraging her in life. That is HUGE. Go easy on yourself.