Odessa and Money

A few anecdotes involving Odessa and money:

1. This morning: "I don't want to use my allowance to get my nails done for prom.* My allowance is for other things!"**


2. Also this morning: "All I need you for is money."


3. About two weeks ago: "I shouldn't have to ask you for money. You should just give it to me. And you should just have it in your pocket."***

*I did not give Odessa sufficient money for ALL the extras for prom. I gave her some money and told her that I would give her more if she showed she was able to be home by curfew and respected me as more than just a source of money. She understood that (she repeated it back to me last night) but did not do what I asked.
**When we worked out her allowance, getting nails done was added as a semi-regular expense that she could save up for. So actually, it isn't :-)
***The last bit is because pre-Odessa I rarely carried cash with me. I try to remember to go to the ATM before Sunday morning allowance time, but don't always remember. And if there's something she needs money for in the middle of the week, chances are good I'm making a trip to the ATM.

Discipline

This morning Odessa knocked on my door (while I was being my typical adolescent hitting-snooze-and-fighting-waking-up self) to explain why she was in a nasty mood last night (more on that later, perhaps):

"I might be suspended."

Why? "My friend stole the money I was going to use to buy my bus pass out of my purse so I had to fight her, so I might be suspended but I haven't gotten the papers yet."

"Well, we'll talk about fighting later [keep in mind I was just waking up] but do you have enough money to get to school?"

So I gave her the money I had in my wallet (meaning that including the advances on her allowance that I gave her last week so that she could get to school*, I've given her $100 so far this week). It's not her fault that her friend stole her money and I'm not going to penalize her for it, though I do think that she would have had better luck getting the money returned if she hadn't responded by fighting. (The only conversation I can imagine in my head now is "I shouldn't have fought but she started it by stealing my money and she should have to pay me back.")

If she does get suspended, she's coming to work with me. I can find lots of scanning she can do for me so she isn't bored--and also isn't on facebook all day.

*Regarding why it sounds like she needs to use her allowance to pay for her transportation to school: where we live, there is a student transit subsidy. If she gets the card, she can pay $30/month to get to and from school. I give her that $30 at the beginning of the month. (This is the money that was stolen, though since I didn't have any $10 bills, I actually gave her $40.) If she chooses not to get the student card to buy the student pass, her transportation to and from school totals about $7/day ($35/wk vs $30/month) which comes from her allowance. She then complains about not having money from the FORTY DOLLARS PER WEEK that I give her to do things like get her hair and nails done, though we worked out her allowance together, and the $40/week was supposed to cover things like hair and nails if she used the money responsibly.

Teenagers.

I really ought to be blogging more about my experiences with Odessa. I'm taking a few moments right now to do so, even though I yikesreallyneedtobegettingreadyforwork, because there's no way I can vent/record this morning's interaction in only 140 characters!

Yesterday morning we had this conversation:
Odessa: Do I get my allowance today? or tomorrow?
Me: You get your allowance on Sundays.
Odessa: Well, I'm getting my hair done tomorrow so I need money.
Me: You get your allowance on Sundays. You need to think about whether you are going to have money before you make plans like getting your hair done.*
Odessa: She can't do it on Sunday because she won't have time to do it all.** [Walks away in a teenager-y huff.]

Last night I got home from work to be greeted by this conversation:
Odessa: Can you take me to the beauty supply shop?***
Me: Not tonight, I'm sorry. You have homework due tomorrow and I need to go to the grocery store and cook for tonight and tomorrow.
Odessa: It's just extra credit; I don't need to do it. I just want to.
Me: I'm sorry but I don't think we have time tonight.

a few moments later... Me: I'm happy to take you to the beauty supply store on Sunday.
Odessa: You don't need to take me anywhere. I'll get there myself.****

Last night, disaster with her extra credit assignment. I can't even begin to share how it went, other than that it took HOURS and involved quite a bit of cursing on Odessa's part. Frequently because I was unable to answer a question when she was the one with the computer in front of her to get the answer. Things were not improved by my refusal to write excuse notes for her absences from her history class that were either 1. before she lived with me or 2. she lived with me, but she wasn't absent from school on those days...at least not as far as I knew.

So then came this morning. I checked in with her when I woke up (she gets up before I do!) and she was still very clearly peeved with me. As in, she wouldn't answer my questions. She did, to her credit, turn down her music when I asked her to because I don't want it bothering the neighbors through her wall. She has a half day today, and it's Friday, so I was particularly interested in what she might be doing after school. And when she'll be home. So I asked:
Me: Do you have plans after school today?
Odessa: I ain't have no money so I can't go anywhere.
Me: Then I will see you when I get home from work. I'm going to go get myself ready for the day.

I went to my room and went to the bathroom. (TMI? It's relevant to the story.) There was a knock on the bedroom door while I was still...indisposed. I said "hold on a minute," finished, washed my hands, and went to open the door. There was an angry knock as I got to the door. (my interpretation? "why aren't you opening the effing door?") And then we had this conversation:
Odessa: I only have $5 on my [public transit fare card] and it's $6***** to get back home so I need $2.
Me: Okay, hold on just a second. [after rummaging in my wallet, gave her $2. Did not explicitly tell her that it is coming out of her allowance next week.]
about 45 seconds later I realized that I needed to add to the conversation:
Me: Hey Odessa? I don't always have cash on me, so it would be helpful if you could think ahead if you're going to have a problem getting to school.
Odessa: I tried to get my allowance yesterday.
Me: That wasn't my point. Yesterday when you got home, you knew you only had $5 on your card. If you had let me know then, I could have gotten cash when I went to the store if I didn't have any. [Not to mention that if I had been in the shower I wouldn't have heard the knock on the door.]
Odessa: [No response.]

I'm telling you, she's going to drive me to drink. :-)


*I didn't say quite so many words. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went. It was something like this, though.
**No, I have no idea how a weekend day has less time in it than a school day.
***Quite possibly the first time she's asked me to do something for her instead of "I need..."
****I still haven't figured out how she's planning to pay for the hair she intends to buy. Hair care is part of her allowance.
*****There is a student fare that is $30 per month. Or she can spend over $30 per week if she loses her student card. I give her $30 per month on top of her allowance; if she loses the card, she has to pay for her transportation to school out of her allowance.

$$$

I spoke to Wilma this afternoon, and she assured me that my check for November was cut today, so I should get it in a few days. Sabrina was with me for about a third of the month, though she was with her dad for a reasonably fair chunk of that time, and the amount of the check for a third of the month covers, I think, all of the clothes I've bought for her, the toys we bought once she came to live with me, and the crazy food items that I wouldn't have bought for myself (you know, like milk). And, I think, today's Christmas shopping.

For December, I will get the full amount, even though Sabrina is with her dad until the end of the month and she only has been eating (for the most part) food that her aunt has sent her back to me with. I am very grateful to live in a jurisdiction that has reasonable reimbursement/payment rates, but the past month certainly makes it seem like I could be doing this for the money. (Which, I hope it is clear, I'm not.) But while I don't have a job, it is good that I am able to use the board payment in part to cover, in part, my rent, so that I don't have to move out of my 2 bedroom apartment and stop being a foster parent.