Sabrina had a doctor appointment today. She got two shots and a blood draw. I cried. It was so horrible. Of course, it was more horrible for her. And the doctor who was holding her down (I felt like such a failure admitting that it would make it worse if I was the one who held her) and the nurse with the needles in her hand. She started screaming and didn't stop until we were in the car and she called her mommy. (Fun fun, walking down the street while a 4 year old is telling me to "Shut Up!" and hitting me, and the entire neighborhood is watching.) And as soon as she was off the phone, she started screaming again. She didn't stop until she fell asleep a few minutes before we got home. Then when I woke her up to go inside...
...first she hit me in the face a few times, knocking my glasses off, including knocking them onto the parking lot. That's when I think she saw me cry. Great. There goes any control of the situation I might have had.
But it gets worse. After I got her out of the car, and I don't even remember the precipitating event...
...she bit me. REALLY. She broke the skin and everything.
After some Very Strong Words I got her to go inside. I asked her to sit in her room for a few minutes so that I wouldn't say anything that I regretted. She was more than happy to oblige, and I went and cried for a few minutes. I think if she hadn't woken me up 4 times last night, I might not have come quite so unhinged.
We had a pretty good talk and she did her homework pretty well (including with my help) until she pushed me away when she realized that if she blew through it, she could watch Diego sooner.
Then the social worker came, she got Sabrina to promise not to hit me or bite me (like that'll last) and gave me a little more confidence. No recommendation of therapy, though, and she didn't yet have information about how long it will be 'til Dad gets custody. (I told her on the phone that this was very important because we need to tell Santa Claus where to find her.)
Sabrina asked to go to bed at 6 (!!) but then we read a lot of stories so she didn't get to sleep until about 7:15. Here's hoping she doesn't wake me up bunches in the middle of the night.
You are being nicer than I would have been. Knowing what I know now, if a child had bitten me hard enough to break the skin this early in the placement, I would immediately request a removal.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, violence gets worse and doesn't get better.